In the intricate tapestry of Islamic ethics, few commandments resonate with the profound depth and unwavering emphasis as the duty of goodness towards parents. The Holy Quran, as a comprehensive guide for humanity, places this obligation immediately after the absolute necessity of worshipping Allah alone. This hierarchical placement underscores its immense significance, positioning it as one of the most fundamental pillars of human conduct and a direct path to divine pleasure. Among the numerous verses addressing this sacred bond, Surah Al-Isra (Chapter 17), verses 23 and 24, stand as a cornerstone, offering an eloquent and detailed exposition on the nature and extent of this goodness.
Deciphering the Divine Commandment: Q. 17:23-24
Let us first meticulously examine the verses themselves, understanding the nuances and profound implications embedded within each phrase.
Q. 17:23: “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to parents. If one of them or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor scold them, but address them with gracious words.”
- “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him…”: The opening segment of this verse is crucial. It firmly establishes the absolute primacy of Tawhid – the Oneness of Allah – as the foundational principle of Islam. By immediately conjoining the command to be dutiful to parents with the command to worship Allah alone, the Quran elevates the status of parents to an unprecedented level. It implies that Ihsan (goodness) to parents is not merely a social courtesy but an act of worship, an essential component of one’s submission to God. Ignoring this duty is, therefore, not just a social lapse, but a spiritual transgression.
- “…and that you be dutiful to parents.”: The Arabic word used here for “dutiful” is “Ihsan” (إحساناً), which carries a much deeper meaning than mere obedience or kindness. “Ihsan” signifies excellence, perfection, and doing something in the best possible manner, with sincerity, compassion, and a beautiful spirit. It implies going beyond the minimum requirement, showering parents with love, respect, care, and compassion that reflects the highest moral standard. This goodness should be comprehensive, encompassing all facets of a child’s interaction with their parents.
- “If one of them or both of them reach old age with you…”: This specific mention of old age is profoundly significant. It highlights a period in parents’ lives when they become most vulnerable, often physically weaker, emotionally sensitive, and potentially challenging due to age-related ailments or memory issues. It is precisely during this delicate phase that their children’s patience, compassion, and unwavering care are most tested and most needed. The verse specifically addresses the scenario where parents are living with their children, placing the responsibility of direct care squarely on the children’s shoulders.
- “…say not to them a word of disrespect (Uff), nor scold them…”: This is a direct, emphatic prohibition. The Arabic word “Uff” (أُفٍّ) denotes the slightest expression of irritation, annoyance, or disgust, such as a sigh, a groan, or an exasperated “Ugh!” Its explicit prohibition demonstrates the meticulousness of Islam in safeguarding the parents’ dignity and feelings. If even the slightest expression of displeasure is forbidden, then any act of verbal abuse, shouting, or harsh words (“nor scold them” – wa la tanharhuma) is, by extension, unequivocally condemned. This teaches us to guard our tongues and emotions scrupulously when interacting with our parents.
- “…but address them with gracious words.”: In stark contrast to the prohibitions, the verse offers a positive command: “wa qul lahuma qawlan kareema” (وقُل لهما قولاً كريماً). “Qawlan kareema” means noble, honorable, respectful, and gracious words. This is not merely an absence of disrespect but an active cultivation of respectful and loving speech. It implies using honorific titles, speaking softly, choosing polite expressions, and ensuring our tone conveys reverence and affection. Our speech should elevate their status and bring comfort and joy to their hearts.
Q. 17:24: “And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small.'”
- “And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy…”: This is a beautiful and deeply evocative metaphor. It paints a vivid picture of a bird lowering its wing to shelter its young, or bowing down in reverence. “Wakhfid lahuma janahadh-dhulli minar-rahma” (واخفض لهما جناح الذل من الرحمة) signifies complete submission, tenderness, humility, and protection. It instructs children to approach their parents with utter humility, relinquishing any sense of superiority, pride, or self-importance. This humility must stem from “mercy” (rahma) – genuine compassion, love, and a heartfelt desire for their well-being, rather than mere obligation. It implies being soft-spoken, gentle in demeanor, and readily available to serve their needs with a loving heart.
- “…and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small.'”: The verse concludes with a powerful instruction to supplicate for parents. This prayer, “Rabbir-hamhuma kama rabbayani sagheera” (رب ارحمهما كما ربياني صغيرا), recognizes the immense sacrifices, tireless efforts, and unconditional love parents poured into nurturing their children from infancy. It acknowledges that the child can never fully repay this debt and, therefore, turns to Allah, the ultimate source of mercy, to grant them mercy in return. This prayer serves as a constant reminder of our indebtedness and solidifies the spiritual dimension of our relationship with them. It is a continuous act of gratitude and a means of seeking their well-being in this life and the hereafter.
Applying the Teachings to Daily Life
The teachings of Q. 17:23-24 are not abstract ideals but practical guidelines for daily conduct. Here’s a step-by-step approach to integrate them into our lives:
Step 1: Cultivate Internal Reverence and Attitude (Ihsan of the Heart)
The foundation of goodness to parents lies in the heart.
- Intention (Niyyah): Recognize that every act of kindness towards your parents is an act of worship (Ibadah) and a means of gaining Allah’s pleasure. Frame your interactions with them as a spiritual duty, not a burden.
- Gratitude (Shukr): Regularly reflect on their countless sacrifices, the sleepless nights, the tireless efforts, and the unconditional love they showered upon you from birth. Acknowledge that you can never truly repay them, and let this gratitude fuel your actions.
- Patience and Empathy: Understand that as parents age, they may experience physical ailments, memory loss, mood swings, or increased emotional sensitivity. Approach their challenges with immense patience, understanding, and empathy, remembering their strength and resilience when they raised you.
Step 2: Master Communication: The Art of Gracious Words and Demeanor
These verses place immense emphasis on how we speak to and interact with our parents.
- Words (Qawlan Kareema):
- Speak Softly and Respectfully: Always maintain a soft, gentle tone, even if you disagree. Avoid raising your voice above theirs.
- Use Honorifics: Address them with titles of respect and love (e.g., “Ya Abati” – O my Father, “Ya Ummi” – O my Mother), avoiding casual or disrespectful nicknames.
- Listen Actively: Give them your undivided attention when they speak, even if they repeat themselves. Do not interrupt or dismiss their concerns or stories.
- Avoid “Uff” and Harshness: Be extremely mindful of your words, tone, and even sighs. Never express irritation, annoyance, or frustration, no matter how small.
- Body Language (Janahadh-dhulli):
- Show Humility: Never walk in front of them unless guiding them. Allow them to sit first. When they are seated, sit in a respectful posture, not lounging or with your feet towards them.
- Gentle Demeanor: Maintain a soft gaze, avoid frowning, and ensure your facial expressions convey warmth and respect.
- Physical Affection: Offer gentle touches (holding hands, helping them walk) as appropriate, showing care and tenderness, especially in their old age.
Step 3: Practical Care and Active Service (Ihsan in Action)
Goodness to parents extends beyond words to tangible acts of service and care.
- Financial Support: If they are in need or unable to earn, it is your primary duty to provide for their financial well-being without making them feel indebted. Spend on them generously, considering it a blessed investment.
- Physical Assistance: Actively assist them with daily chores, errands, appointments, and any physical needs they may have. Help with household tasks, driving, or even personal care if required and appropriate, particularly for elderly parents.
- Emotional Support and Companionship: Spend quality time with them. Engage in conversations, listen to their worries and joys, and reassure them of your love and presence. Combat their loneliness by visiting regularly or calling frequently if distance separates you.
- Prioritize Their Needs: Whenever there is a conflict between your non-essential desires and their needs, prioritize their comfort and well-being.
- Maintain Connections: If you live far away, make a conscious effort to stay connected through phone calls, video calls, and regular visits.
Step 4: Seeking Their Pleasure and Avoiding Displeasure
A key aspect of Ihsan is actively seeking to bring joy to their hearts and meticulously avoiding anything that might displease them.
- Obedience (within permissible limits): Obey their commands unless they clearly contradict the commands of Allah. If their request is against Islamic principles, politely and respectfully explain your inability to comply without disrespecting them.
- Seeking Permission/Consultation: Consult them on significant life decisions (marriage, career, travel, relocation) out of respect for their wisdom and experience, even if you ultimately make your own informed choice.
- Fulfilling Their Wishes: Try your best to fulfill their legitimate desires and requests promptly and cheerfully.
- Maintain Their Social Connections: Regularly visit and maintain good relations with their friends, relatives, and those they love, especially after their passing. This is a profound form of goodness to them.
Step 5: Invoke Divine Mercy and Supplication
The command to pray for parents is a continuous, lifelong duty.
- Consistent Dua: Regularly make the specific prayer mentioned in Q. 17:24: “Rabbir-hamhuma kama rabbayani sagheera” (My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small).
- Pray for Forgiveness and Jannah: Supplicate for their forgiveness, good health, peace, and highest ranks in Paradise, both during their lifetime and after their passing.
- Sadaqah Jariyah (Ongoing Charity): Perform acts of charity, give donations, or engage in good deeds on their behalf, especially after they have passed away. This continuous charity will benefit them in the hereafter.
Addressing Challenges and Nuances
While the command for goodness to parents is absolute, life presents complexities:
- Non-Muslim Parents: The duty of kindness, respect, and care remains, even if one’s parents are not Muslim, as long as they do not command shirk (associating partners with Allah). Q. 31:15 explicitly states: “But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance].” This verse elegantly balances the duty to Allah with the duty to parents, emphasizing kindness even in disagreement.
- Difficult or Abusive Parents: Even if parents are harsh, unfair, or abusive, the child’s duty of Ihsan (in terms of verbal respect and basic care) does not fully dissipate. One must still avoid disrespect and harsh language. However, self-protection from harm is permissible, and seeking external help for severe abuse is essential. The verses command your conduct, irrespective of their conduct. Patience, prayer, and seeking advice from scholars or trusted elders are crucial in such situations.
- Balancing Duties: In the modern world, balancing duties to one’s spouse and children with duties to parents can be challenging. Islam emphasizes fairness and justice. While parents’ rights are paramount, a child also has duties to their spouse and children. Wisdom, open communication, and involving the spouse in acts of goodness to parents can help navigate these complexities, ensuring that no party feels neglected.
Conclusion
The Quranic injunctions in Surah Al-Isra, verses 23-24, offer a comprehensive and profound framework for the sacred relationship between children and their parents. They elevate goodness to parents to an act of worship, equating it with the very essence of Tawhid. By prohibiting even the slightest expression of disrespect and commanding the highest forms of graciousness, humility, and prayer, these verses lay down a clear path for earning Allah’s pleasure and immense reward. Applying these teachings in our daily lives requires conscious effort, deep gratitude, unwavering patience, and continuous supplication. It is a lifelong journey of Ihsan – of striving for excellence in kindness and compassion – a journey that enriches not only the lives of our parents but also our own, both in this world and the hereafter. Fulfilling this divine mandate is indeed a cornerstone of Islamic ethics and a testament to a believer’s true faith.
References:
- The Holy Quran: Surah Al-Isra (Chapter 17), Verses 23-24.
- The Holy Quran: Surah Luqman (Chapter 31), Verse 15.
- Tafsir Ibn Kathir: Commentary on Surah Al-Isra, Verses 23-24.
- Tafsir Al-Tabari: Commentary on Surah Al-Isra, Verses 23-24.
- Various Hadith Collections: (e.g., Sahih Bukhari, Sahih Muslim) contain numerous narrations emphasizing the importance of respecting and caring for parents, such as the famous Hadith regarding Paradise lying under the feet of mothers, and the severe punishment for neglecting this duty.
